Majorly Minor Movie Characters


The dome headed and bearded paraplegic, Kelso.

No not Dr.Kelso from Scrubs. No , not the other Kelso from That 70’s Show played in a buffoon-like manner befitting of the buffoon Ashton Kutcher.

There is only one true Kelso.

I’m talking about the shaven-skulled, bearded wheel-chair bound character from the 90’s film Heat, a film which enjoys almost epochal status due to the virginal on-screen pairing of Robert De Niro and Al Pacino.
The Bank heist scene and ensuing shoot-out.
The dialogue.
The “Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner” line.
The fact that Danny Trejo plays a character simply called “Trejo”.

The fact that Waingro is the greatest asshole ever seen in motion picture history, ever.


Jon Voigt’s handlebar ‘tache and long hair combo.

Ridiculous Hair and tache combo

Amidst all the coolness spare a thought for Kelso, the guy hardly anyone remembers when talking about this film. The man with the plan to hit the bank. The man in the shack covered with all the satellite dishes who sits on his front porch in a wheelchair and talks to Robert De Niro about information flowing through the air and that you just have to know how to grab it.

This is Kelso. We know nothing about him. Why is he in a wheelchair? ( the actor who plays Kelso, Tom Noonan, is fully mobile) Why the shaved head and massive beard? The satellite covered shack. I like to think that he himself was once a more hands on burglar and thief, who long ago suffered some sort of injury which rendered him paralysed. Did he quit, no he did not quit. He picked up a desk job within the high tech burglary industry and instead finds out information on bank security systems and other information of that ilk and passes it onto criminals such as Voight and De Niro.

He has everything possible to make him memorable in my opinion. The bizarre appearance befitting that of a villain. The physical ailment which perhaps motivates him to turn to crime as a means of revenge. The villain’s lair which in this case is a satellite covered shack. And the obvious nefarious intelligence necessary to crack codes and such enabling him to gather crucial detailed security information.

In another film Kelso could have been a wheel chair bound super villain who uses De Niro and co as pawns in his struggle for recognition and infamy, and posts such as this one would have no purpose to exist…. neither would Ashton Kutcher’s character in That 70’s Show, for that matter.

Kelso, better known as Tom Noonan


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